I WILL DO WHAT I CAN AND THE REST WILL KEEP.

Fix your attention on your...goal[s] and never look back on your earlier problems... Our energies [should be] focused not behind us but ahead of us..."
—Howard W. Hunter
Ensign, May 1987

I found this in a newsletter I get every day. I think it is amazing the way sometimes things just show up kind of right when you need them to. I have been so upset lately over little things thaty dont even matter. Stuff I caint even fix, things I have no control over. Now I realize what I need to do. Focus on what I can change then the rest will keep.
#1 Thing I can control..MY MIND.... Whether or not I am going to let this problem with my kidneys control me or if I am going to control it.......
I think I am going to be in charge. But HOW?
Well I am going to educate myself more. I have been doing some interesting reading. So I still dont know the name but I know what the possibilities are for the disease. It caint be worse than what I already have. I know that. Well I quesse it could. But I have decided it is not. So all I need to do is educate myself more. Go to the Dr on Wednesday and get the nexgt steps and in the mean time I need to start life changes. Real life changes.

First change... State of mind as said above. Be come more positive and I control what is going on. So I am going to say this affrimation as often as possible...
I am healthy, happy, energetic, intelligent, and free.
Over and over again.
I am not going to get lazier with this. Yes I dont feel good an dI have no energy but I am not going to focus on that. Instead I am going to tell myself I am energetic, I can get through this day and do everything I can.

Now the hard one ..

Second Change...... MY BODY....
I need to start eating and excersing better. I am not going to rely on drugs any more to loose weight. I caint. It is not healthy. So I need to start excersing and eating right, I have already cut mu soda over half the normal intake. Now I got to get off the brownies and the dove bars.

NO EXCUSES any more.. It is litterly do or die.

My next big change is Spirit.... I need to continue with the spiritual growth I have been developing. I have come along way but I still have along way to go. I need not to sneek a cigerette here and there because it does matter!! I need not to nagg my loving dear husband about what disisions he makes about wether he is going to drink or not and just silenghtly pray to our dear Lord to help him and me to make it to the temple in this life.

I want things too fast I think. I have been worried about things that caint even happen for a year! a year! Thats insane. I am not going to do that any more. I am going to try to do what I can and the rest will keep.
This is my new motto. I WILL DO WHAT I CAN AND THE REST WILL KEEP.
Ya I like that I am going to repeat that along with my other Affirmation.

Utter Shock and Amazement

Yesterday I got some really shocking news. I was flabbergasted at it.
I still am. I just caint belive it. Ok ok I will get to the point. Last Wednesday I went to get a Catscan done for Abdomanal pain. Then On Friday the DR. office calls and says for me to call them for an appointment to go over the results. I thought hmmmm that is weird.
So Yesterday I called and said I caint take this week off work please tell me over the phone what is. I truly dont want to wait a weeek to find out it will drive me crazy! So they said We caint the it will be upto the DR yadayada.
Any way the DR. calls and says"Has anyone ever told you that you are missing your left kidney?

"I said" NO why???"
She says because "it isnt there."
I laughed and said what???? "Are you sure?"
She says "yes the ct scan shows there is no kidney. "
I said "wow.".. " Where did it go?"

It just isnt there. I am 30 years old how can it just not be there? I dont know. The same thing happened to my mother at the same age. Weird.

Clay Pot Bird Bath - terra cotta pot

Clay Pot Bird Bath - terra cotta pot

I think I am going to try this one tommorow. I love it!

Self-esteem

Self-esteem

The letter in this page kills me! It could have been written maybe by a future version of my son. I am always worried about the girls and there self -esteem so they wont turn to a boy for it... I forgot about my boy. And what he needs to feel self worth. The other day I had set him down and asked him why he was doing some of the things he was. He said "I don't Know". Just like always. Then he said "Mommy, when I am in my room and you walk by and I say something you never stop and talk to me or act like you hear me how come? How come you don't stop down and talk to me?"
I felt like my heart was ripped out. I honestly dont hear him most of the time. I guess I walk through so caught up in what I am doing I dont listen to that small voice saying " Hey, Hey Mommy we need to talk". I have noticed lately my sons eyes. When you look into them you see allot of pain, hurt, and confusion. I have noticed when we are doing something as a family he sits back and watches sometimes. All this has been concerning me for a very long time. But I havent known what to do.
Since then I began walking down the hall at night when I get home a little slower. And not waiting for him to say something without going in there and hugging him and saying I love you How was your day. Then I go change my cloths from work and get confortable. I also began holding him on my lap a little more and talking to him. It amazes me that he is this age already. How did all 3 of my wonderful children get to be these ages. I have rushed by all the great stuff without ever realizing it. It has all been jumbled with cleaning the house and going to work, Paying the bills, and which activity do the kids have tonight. Which this is another subject I will get to soon.
This is the real wake up I have needed. Between the things I had experienced and reading the letter above I was like WOW We have to make changes. Of course, my husband does not understand. He thinks everything needs to be handled with firmness and strickness. And I caint handle that wat any more. I am trying to pray for the both of us to get a true grasp on what each one our kids needs. How do they each need to be loved to feel loved. To round them up for there future. We have to be on the right track I can feel it. I believe the Church has had allot to do with that. The values they have set for families to live by helps allot. The Family home evenings, and family prayer. The talks from the leaders about cherishing and honoring our children. All these great people and the powerful talks given by them really help you to think about where your priorites are.
No I am not a stay at home Mom. I work. Until last week I worked a 40 to 50 hour work week. My husband about the same. It has taken us a long time to get into the comfortable routine we have now. I get home later so he cooks. He usually takes kids to activities and when I get home I change then I go and sometimes relieve him so he can go home and relax a little. We have set allot of compromises this way. I dont like to fold laundry he doesn't want to run up and down the stairs to do it. So we taught our oldest daughter how to and I do the dishes. LOL. Then I pay her an allowance for all the hard work. It all blends out. We all have parts of the house work we are responsible for. And we all have things we have to do to keep things going. Each child has a chore list and so do us parents. One thing we over looked is listening to each other and talking to each other nicely. WE have allot of contention in our home. Allot of screeming.Along with allot of pain from it all. It took my 7 year old son telling me I walk by his door to fast to hear him to make me realize we need to fix some problems.

Affirmations

Affirmations

Yahoo! Mail - prissygk@yahoo.com

Yahoo! Mail - prissygk@yahoo.com


This was sent to me as an email. It is so cute. I hope the animations pass on to you all to see.

Yahoo! Groups : 1writelife_chat Messages : Message 24735 of 24763

Yahoo! Groups : 1writelife_chat Messages : Message 24735 of 24763: "'I cannot be content to creep when I feel the urge to soar.' ~ adapted
from Helen Keller"

I saw this post on one of the Yahoo Groups I belong to. I love it. This is something I need to read over and over again.

Lost:1 Mind; If found Please return it to ......1 Insane Lady

Well I feel a little more sain today then I did yesterday but not much. I think I am in the middle of loosing my mind. All I want to do is eat, sleep, yell and scream like a mad lasy then cry for hours. I cried yeserday all threw church. I even went to the Bishop and asked for permission to get a divorce. I love my husband, I dont want a divorce. I would like to get my mind back though. I feel so insane and not like muself. I just dont get it . I dont know why I would even feel this way. everything is going fairly well.. Our financial aspect of things could be a lot better. A whole lot beter. It ia bad right now. We have no money. Not for anything. I done know how we are going to take care of all the bills. They are so high and we just arent making enough money to cover everything. Then my husband (gotta love 'em) tries to help and goes out grocery shopping. He spends $200- $300 on groceries. THIS IS NUTS!!! We dont need to be doing this. We need to shop at the cheap store. Not see how much steak we can stockpile in the freezer.
My lovely children. There is another story. They all try so hard to help.With anything thay can. Unless it is my request to QUIT fighting. The nagging, name calling, pushing shoving and running around screeming. I love them so much but I really wish for just one day they could get along.
I get so frustrated and depressed. We need to become a stronger better family so that we can go here http://lds.about.com/library/gallery/clipart/temples/blgallery_temples25.htm